Hurting ...

Well ... I'm hoping that by writing here sometimes ... at least once in a while ... it will help me to get some of my feelings out ... help me sort through some things ... Don't really have anyone I can just go to, ya know?

I'm just so confused about the things that have happened over the last couple months ... I'm lonely ... but I don't deserve to be treated the way I have ... I know that much ...

I've just been asking God to hold me tightly in His arms ... and I know He is ... I know He knows every tear I've cried ... and I find comfort in that ...

I just feel like I've lost my happiness, though ... don't smile, laugh like I used to ... I know that change has to start with me ... and so I've been setting some goals for myself ... and I am trying really hard to look at things positively ...

Guess I just need a little time to grieve, too ... For the things I thought were there, that weren't ... for the person I thought was there, but wasn't ... and for the part of me that let myself be fooled ... even though I knew better ...

And I did know better ... I felt the pull at my heart telling me that know matter what I felt, my head knew something wasn't right ... I just wanted it so badly ...

Someday ... when the time is right ... I hope to find someone who really cares for me, appreciates me, respects me ... loves me ...