Christmas Day '06

I am trying really hard to be happy ... to be thankful for everything I have ... And I am thankful ... for my family, my kids ... my job, my friends ...

Still ... it's been a rough month ...

My best friend in the world passed away at the age of 67 ... She was a co-worker of mine ... but she was so much more than that ... She was a mom to me ... always had good advice to give ... maybe even a scolding every now and then ... lol ... And she was my best friend ... the one I told my secrets to ... We shared so much laughter ... so many tears ... and I've remembered her since her passing ... With much laughter and tears ...

I am so thankful that the Lord allowed us to be close, to share the friendship we had ... And though I miss her ... I know she is in a better place ... and that we'll meet again someday ...

The other thing that's made this month so hard is the ups and downs of the relationship that I've been in ... It's been more than this month ... it's been going on for the past 5 months ... But now ... it may be over for good ... Not because I want it to be ... I DEFINITELY don't want it to be over ... I love him with all my heart ... But I can't make his choices for him ... All I can do is try to show him that I'm here for him ... Want to be here for him always ... Try to show him how much I love and care for him ... Respect him ... and PRAY!

But it hurts ... I want so much to be with him ... want him to be in my life forever ... by my side ... and me always by his ...

I know that everything in life happens for a reason ... and I know we don't always know what the reasons are ... I know that God has a plan for everyone, everything ... And I pray every day for the patience and the faith to keep believing ... keep moving on ... Some days it's just really hard ...

If you happen to read this ... and have a few extra minutes ... I'd appreciate any prayers you can say also ...

Hurting ...

Well ... I'm hoping that by writing here sometimes ... at least once in a while ... it will help me to get some of my feelings out ... help me sort through some things ... Don't really have anyone I can just go to, ya know?

I'm just so confused about the things that have happened over the last couple months ... I'm lonely ... but I don't deserve to be treated the way I have ... I know that much ...

I've just been asking God to hold me tightly in His arms ... and I know He is ... I know He knows every tear I've cried ... and I find comfort in that ...

I just feel like I've lost my happiness, though ... don't smile, laugh like I used to ... I know that change has to start with me ... and so I've been setting some goals for myself ... and I am trying really hard to look at things positively ...

Guess I just need a little time to grieve, too ... For the things I thought were there, that weren't ... for the person I thought was there, but wasn't ... and for the part of me that let myself be fooled ... even though I knew better ...

And I did know better ... I felt the pull at my heart telling me that know matter what I felt, my head knew something wasn't right ... I just wanted it so badly ...

Someday ... when the time is right ... I hope to find someone who really cares for me, appreciates me, respects me ... loves me ...

I Will Finish These Socks ...

My Jawalker socks WILL be completed by Feb. 13 ... even though I only have the toes done so far ... and am doing the socks toe-up ...

I don't have a pic yet of the new Jaywalkers, but will try to get one over the next couple days ... I'm still disgusted with the fact that my finished Jaywalker sock is pathetic!!!!

Jaywalker ... Part II

I am sooooo not happy with the way my first Jaywalker turned out .... :( Especially being that it was in the yarn that I've been wanting for my own pair of socks ... Maybe selfishness was the problem?

Here is a progress pic of the socks:





There will not, however, be a matching sock ...

I am still determined to make a pair of Jaywalkers by the February 14 deadline! I am definitely not a speed sock-knitter like some ... but I will finish my pair of Jaywalkers! I plan on starting them this afternoon, and will attempt them toe-up ...

Tagged ...

Well ... looks like I've been tagged by Lisa so .... here goes ...

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Accounting Clerk
2. Administrative Specialist
3. Eligibility Technician
4. Newspaper Production Aide

Four Movies you could watch over and over:
1. My Family/Mi Familia
2. Ever After
3. Armaggedon
4. American Me

Four Places You Have Lived:
1. Rochester, TX
2. Lamar, CO
3. Sterling, CO
4. Greeley, CO

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch:
1. Cowboy U
2. That 70's Show
3. Forensic Files
4. Cold Case Files

Four Places You Have Been On Vacation:
1. Washington
2. South Dakota
3. Georgia
4. Iowa

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
1. Painted Knits
2. Stitches of Violet
3. Sockbug
4. sunnybook's yarns

Four Of My Favorite Foods:
1. Fried Okra
2. Pumpkin Bars
3. Tres Leche Cake
4. Diet Dr. Pepper

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. a cozy yarn shop
2. knitting socks with Nancy Bush, Lucy Neatby or Cat Bordhi
3. knitting socks with Lisa (we WILL conquer your fear of heels one of these days ...)
4. with my soldier ...

And as for tagging other bloggers ... If you feel so inclined ... you are tagged ... :)

I took a couple pics of my Jaywalker socks the other day, just waiting to get them from my mom's camera ... Maybe today ... And I managed to actually finish the first sock yesterday ... All I have left is to graft the toe ...

I'm not sure I'm completely happy with the fit, but I am not frogging the sock ... I used the cuff-down toe from Queen Kahuna's book ... but because of the extra stitches in this sock, I think I increased too many gusset stitches ... And I didn't even increase all the stitches I was "supposed" to ... Next pair of Jaywalkers (cuz I'm thinking there probably will be one) I'll make some adjustments ...

Jaywalker Peer Pressure

I don't know if it's exactly peer pressure ... but it doesn't help when every other blog I see has a pic of their Jaywalker socks in progress ... or completed ... So I had to start my own pair ...

I had actually started before Christmas ... but then my Jaywalkers decided to jaywalk ... to who knows where ... Actually, they were found tucked in a corner of a bedroom at my mom's house ... At least they hadn't accidentally been tossed out with Christmas wrapping paper and packages ... WHEW!

Anyhow ... I don't have a pic yet, but will soon ... I'm knitting them up in Mountain Colors Bearfoot in the Thunderhead colorway ... Beautiful! I'd been saving this yarn to make some really comfy socks for me ... and these will be them!